Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize