Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
