She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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