If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
