he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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