Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
