I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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