I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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