I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
