So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
