I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
