Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
