since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
