The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
