It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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