i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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