the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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