Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have already put on my inside pants.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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