i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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