there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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