i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize