Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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