someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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