OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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