I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
