I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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