Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize