$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
