Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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