who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
