what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
