i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
