he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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