Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
