Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
