In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sorry about my life...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
