Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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