Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Randomize
