just tell him i said nine months
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
