Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
