I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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