umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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