hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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