On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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