Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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