I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
worst night to have a conscience
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
