Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize