That's intense
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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