im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
