Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
