we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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