just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
