Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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