remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When did angry sex become our thing?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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