I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize