ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
