With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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