I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
