OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
