I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm passing your future prison.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
