we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize